Shady Impulses
by carzla
Summary: Deciding that fighting through Chaos' forces made the going too slow, Cosmos' heroes contemplate a different tactic that would lead them to Chaos. Men fell prey to beauty, who was to say that gods wouldn't too? Of course, there's just a slight problem...
1. The Plan

_**Shady Impulses**_

_Chapter 1: The Plan_

_Disclaimer:_

_Dissidia ~Final Fantasy~ belongs to Square Enix. This story contains implied yaoi and the cross-dressing of more than one male character; feel free to hit the back button if they're not to your tastes. There may also be some spoilers for the Shade Impulse chapters in Dissidia. I only own this plot. Thank you._

* * *

**Full Summary:**

**Deciding that fighting through the rest of Chaos' forces made the going too slow, Cosmos' heroes contemplate a different tactic that would lead them straight to Chaos himself – seduction. Men fell prey to beauty, so who was to say that gods wouldn't too? Of course, there's just a slight problem with the number of girls available…**

* * *

Cloud couldn't believe his luck. Or rather, his utter lack of it. Of all things his new comrades could come up with, it was… _this._

This being the thrice-accursed _dress, _no it was actually a friggin' _ball gown_, and other _accessories _(and no, they weren't all battle accessories) that shall not be mentioned that were now lying neatly on his bed. Oh, they looked innocent enough, and girls – with the keyword being "girls" – would most certainly coo over how pretty they were, but to Cloud…

They were much more monstrous and hateful than all the WEAPONS and JENOVA combined.

His only consolation was that he wasn't alone in his… _plight._ His rather unfortunate, though at this point Cloud really didn't have much sympathy for anyone else but himself, counterpart in this fiasco was also staring at a separate pile of feminine clothes and accessories on the other bed in the room, cursing the rest of Cosmos' heroes to Hell and back under his breath.

Squall Leonhart was _not _a happy camper right now.

Neither was Cloud Strife actually.

…

Gaia, how the hell had he ended up in such a situation _again?_

* * *

_Two hours earlier…_

"The world is getting more unstable by the minute. Our progress is too slow," Warrior of Light said, the only sign of his worry being a slight crease between his eyebrows. Otherwise, his voice remained calm and steady and he was generally cool and collected. "If we continue this way, then we will have to face Chaos' warriors again. This is wasting too much of our precious time."

Nobody disagreed with their leader. They had all fought against Chaos' ten chosen warriors once before, and it was annoying to have to face them again. All they wanted was to get to the big boss – Chaos – without anymore unnecessary fanfare. Much as they enjoyed journeying with their new friends, there was still a distinct sense of homesickness starting to settle in on all of them.

"So, guess we'll have to find another way to get straight to Chaos?" Tidus asked.

There was a long silence as everyone contemplated on strategies that could get them to Chaos without engaging any more of Chaos' forces as it was possible. The Imitations were still easy to deal with, but not so the villains from each heroes' respective worlds. It took a while more before Zidane finally spoke up.

"I think I've got an idea," the short blond said.

There was a certain spark in Zidane's blue eyes that seemed to hint at some mischief. But the blond was more often than not a little mischievous, so that was nothing new and the rest of them hadn't thought of it as anything _that _noteworthy yet.

"Tell us!" Bartz immediately said, his face lighting up in a smile.

Thus, as Zidane began to relate his idea, growing more and more excited as he went on, one Cloud Strife was starting to get a horrible sense of déjà vu but without the tinkling laughter of a cheeky pink flower girl to accompany him this time. Cloud absolutely did _not _like the words "seduction" and "Chaos" put in one sentence, and what the connotations were.

When the other blond finally finished relating everything, blue eyes bright with excitement, the contemplative silence that descended on the group of warriors made Cloud want to kill something. Or someone. Like Zidane. His gut feeling told him something bad was about to happen.

Cloud had learned well enough to trust his gut feelings.

"…that sounds… dishonorable," Frioniel finally said.

Cloud also knew that he had something going with the thought that Frioniel reminded him of Zack some times.

"I don't know, Wild Rose, but "Chaos" and "honor" don't seem to go in the same sentence," Tidus commented.

Then couldn't they get that "Chaos" _and _"seduction" also didn't fit together?

"There's a problem," Onion Knight voiced out in a somewhat protective voice. "Tina's the only female here. We can't send her in _alone_ to face Chaos."

Zidane's smirk was no longer merely mischievous. It was downright _evil_. Cloud's sense of horrible déjà vu intensified.

To titanic proportions.

"Well… I've a background in theatre… and we didn't always have enough females to play the female roles sometimes…"

"No," Cloud said at once, almost not noticing that he'd actually spoken quite audibly.

"No to what, Cloud?" Cecil asked this time, looking genuinely curious. "Do you know what Zidane was about to suggest?"

Well, Cecil probably _was _genuinely curious. So were probably more than half the damn group of them. Cloud wished right now that he could've kept his mouth shut. But the horror of possibly being thrust back into that situation _again _had made him react without thinking. Shit.

"…I probably do."

Zidane pouted a little, probably slightly miffed that someone had guessed his plans before he could reveal them properly. But Cloud motioned for the other to do the revealing instead. If only to hold on to the small glimmer of rapidly fading hope that he wasn't right.

"Well, I was suggesting cross-dressing."

_Gaia._ He really wished that he _hadn't _been right.

"Tina's a really powerful mage in her own right," Zidane continued. "But we can't let her take on Chaos alone. So we probably need a few more people to accompany her."

"Cross-dressing," Squall repeated. There was disbelief clear in his voice.

"Well… it _could _work!" Zidane insisted stubbornly, looking like he was about to pout childishly at his party-mate when they were still seeking the crystals. He was backed up by Bartz (which wasn't a surprise since he would back up almost anything Zidane said) nodding his head at Squall.

Cloud hoped it wouldn't work. Even more so, he hoped that Warrior of Light, who'd been silent thus far, wouldn't agree to this insane idea. His hopes, however, began to wilt away faster than a JENOVA-infected plant that couldn't handle the tainted Lifestream when a seriously contemplative look entered Light's eyes.

"It is… a viable plan," Light announced in his typical serious and calm voice. Then the warrior turned to look at Cloud, asking, "Cloud, were you thinking of the same thing as Zidane?"

He nodded slowly, feeling dread pool in his gut forebodingly like liquid lead. Light's deductive abilities were quite good, and he really didn't want to know what the other man had deduced from Cloud's earlier protest. But it seemed that Cosmos wasn't looking down favorably on him.

"It seems, from your prior outburst that… you've gone through something like this before…?"

Cloud swallowed uncomfortably as every single person turned to look at him, their faces belying varying degrees of shock. He resisted the urge to run right now, instead replying as steadily as he could, "…yes. To rescue a friend."

"Then you should accompany Tina in this mission too," was Light's far too calm and ready reply.

Yup, somewhere out there, someone – maybe Cosmos in the place where goddesses went to when they died – really hated him.

"No. There's got to be other ways."

"Such as?"

Damn. But for the life of him, his mind was a complete blank slate right now. Well, not exactly. The only thing that was clear in his mind was that he absolutely didn't want to cross-dress again. Never would still be far too soon. He must've kept quiet for too long because Light spoke.

"You would cross-dress to save a friend, but not a world?"

Cloud remained silent, biting his lip. He _hated _being guilt-tripped. But whenever it happened, he always fell for it. This time, unfortunately, was no exception.

Warrior of Light took Cloud's silence agreement to taking part in this mission for he gave a somewhat pleased nod in Cloud's direction. Cloud swore, however, that he saw a spark of something sadistically evil (_What irony_, Cloud thought) in the other man's eyes just before Light looked away from him.

"I think we will need one more person. Three is the golden number, after all."

Déjà vu was a JENOVA-esque bitch, and Aerith was probably giggling like crazy back on Gaia.

(He wouldn't put it past the Cetra or Gaia to be able to access other dimensions. Somehow.)

_Look on the bright side. At least you won't be alone in this mess, _an optimistic voice that sounded very much like Zack said in his head.

Cloud sighed. Pep talks just weren't going to cut it for him this time. Not even from always cheerful, positive Zack-like voices.

"Squall, would you do the honors?"

Cloud whipped his head back to stare at Light incredulously so quickly that he might have given himself whiplash. Did Light just suggest who he thought he did?

"_What?_" the gunblader exclaimed. Or as much as Squall Leonhart exclaimed anyway.

This time, Cloud _definitely _caught sight of a slight upwards turn of Light's lips. He probably would've missed it altogether if not for having associated with Vincent for a reasonable amount of time. Vincent Valentine was the epitome of all things subtle and had a hidden streak of dark, often morbid, humor. It would seem that Light had such a streak too.

"Yes. You'll do," Light continued on, as if he hadn't heard Squall's outburst. "You all should go to the shop to pick out the appropriate clothes. Tina, I trust you'll know what would work. Please go _all out_ to ensure that this mission is a success."

Warrior of Light was, undoubtedly, a closet sadist. With a capital S.

When Tina nodded her understanding, the warrior of all things bright and shiny turned on his heels and left the group, going off to who knows where. The remaining heroes stood there blinking in slight confusion for a moment. Then a bright grin found its way onto Zidane and Bartz's lips.

"All right! Let's go!" Zidane hooted.

"Race you there!" Bartz echoed.

The two took off whooping in glee, leaving the others following behind at a more sedate pace. Cloud was all sorts of reluctant to do so, but he would rather be there to see what atrocity they were going to dress him in and try to have at least some say in it than being surprised. Or rather, _horrified_.

Judging from the absolutely mischievous looks on most everyone's faces (yes, including Frioniel and Cecil – people whom he thought were a little _saner, _oh wait, he had likened Frioniel to _Zack, _hadn't he?), Cloud wondered if he would actually get his way at all.

* * *

Cloud barely managed to suppress his wince at the mere memory. But there was unfortunately nothing that they could do. Warrior of Light had sanctioned the plan after Zidane (after this _mission_ was over, he'd take up Squall's venomously muttered suggestion to strangle the life out of that damned brat) had suggested and explained it. Also, it was hard, if not entirely _impossible_, to talk their de facto leader out of something especially since it concerned Cosmos' last wishes to save this world and defeat Chaos.

In fact, if it had to do with Cosmos, everyone had learnt very early on not to contradict Light, who had a Cosmos-complex wider than his inner sadistic streak. Period.

(He had an eerily accurate aim with that hard shield of his, and always managed to land the hit on their heads.)

So it was for the best if they both just sucked it up and went on with it. The sooner it was over, the better, and they could then finally return to their home worlds. Cloud didn't think he had any more qualms about being able to defeat Chaos. His anger and annoyance over this situation made him positively _savor_ the prospect of being able to fight Chaos regardless of whether the plan went successfully or not. From the matching, almost-mad glint in Squall's storm-blue eyes, he knew that the gunblader had the same thoughts as himself.

Chaos was going to be _so _dead.

But first and foremost, they had to wear those goddamned clothes. Cloud didn't want to _touch_ them with a ten-foot pole (though he'd gladly take the Ultima Sword to slice them to pieces), let alone _wear _them again. However, he doubted that Squall would do it before he did.

_All right, Strife. You've done this before to save Tifa. You can do it again to save the world._

For some strange, illogical reason, the "saving Tifa" reason sounded a lot more appealing for cross-dressing than the "saving the world" one.

Taking a deep breath, Cloud began stripping off his usual attire with all of the stoicism that he could muster at the moment. He tried to think of nothing that could make him balk. He was pulling his shirt over his head when he heard Squall speak to him.

"You're _really _going through with this."

Cloud tossed his shirt onto the bed before looking the brunet in the eye and replying evenly, "Do I, and for that matter, _you _have a choice? _Really?_"

Squall's frown deepened, but he conceded Cloud's point by starting to strip out of his clothes too. They both knew that it was futile at this point. If they'd wanted to protest, which they _had_, it had to be done earlier… and with a valid alternate strategy in mind. Unfortunately, in their own horror at the situation they were being thrown into (most especially Cloud), neither of them had been able to come up with anything. That said, _he _hadn't been given much of a chance to actually object.

Although, privately, Squall thought that Warrior of Light was just hiding a sadistic streak behind his impassive facade. Mr. Radiant _did_ love to use his shield to bonk others on the head a bit too much.

When Squall was down to his underwear, he reluctantly took another look at the clothes lying on his bed and fought the urge to shudder in revulsion. He was _definitely_ going to let Zidane taste the business end of Lion Heart once this was over. Depending on how this… _mission _actually went, he'd decide whether Zidane would also end up facing his Ex Burst.

He tried to face this as he would on any other SeeD mission. However, he was finding it exceptionally difficult to get into that frame of mind. The longer he stared at the clothes, the harder it was to accept the fact that it was indeed a mission. A mission that he would sooner become Ultimecia's Knight himself than do it, but it was still a mission, _his _mission, nonetheless.

The dress, or rather _evening gown,_ that he was supposed to wear was in a shade of midnight blue and made of soft shimmery silk. Softly glimmering silver threads had been used to sew intricate designs near the hem of the dress. It wasn't strapless, thank Hyne for (really) small blessings, but the straps that were meant to hold it up looked way too thin and flimsy to last in an actual, full-blown battle. Squall seriously hoped that a wardrobe malfunction would _not _happen later.

Lying next to the dress was a brown wig meant to give him longer hair. He didn't know how it was the _exact_ shade of brown as his own hair, but it was. He also had the feeling that once he wore it, it was going to look utterly natural. Like he really had such a hairstyle in the first place. It was a very horrifying thought.

The worst part of the ensemble, Squall decided, was not the additional accessories, even though he had to forgo his Griever necklace (something he was loathe to do) in place of something decidedly more delicate and thus _feminine. _The worst part was the _undergarments. _He stared at the very insubstantial piece of cloth and wondered why some girls even wore them in the first place. It was about as good as not wearing anything.

Then he wondered why they'd chosen that particular piece of underwear for _him. _It had to be someone's (either Zidane's or Bartz's he'd bet, heck, it could even be Tidus) idea of a practical joke, if this mission wasn't one already.

He really _didn't _want to put it on. It wasn't like Chaos – or anyone else – was going to be looking _under _the godforsaken dress. Right?

"As much as I wish to shred the whole ensemble myself, you'd best put it all on," Cloud advised as he saw Squall's eyes narrowing in morbid contemplation as he gazed at the… _thong._ As much as Cloud would love to do that too, he knew it would be a fruitless attempt that might land them both in an even worse situation. "_Someone _(and by that emphasis, Squall knew exactly who Cloud was talking about) might decide to check if we… went undercover all the way."

Cloud, having already suffered the ignominy of cross-dressing once, had gone about his task with much less hesitation, though certainly no less distaste, than Squall. In the time that Squall had taken to pursue the clothes for yet another time, he'd already worn the dratted, no less scanty underclothes and the lilac, strapless _ball gown_ was already on his person.

In a way, he much preferred his old ensemble – it at least covered a lot more of his skin at the top and didn't depend partly on sheer luck to keep it up. This strapless gown was making him more than a little wary of how it would actually stay up once they started to fight. Squall's dress was only slightly better than his own, with those far too thin spaghetti straps, but Cloud thought that even a small figment of security was better than having absolutely none.

As Squall finally started pulling on the clothes that he was required to wear, Cloud went to pick up the blond wig – pig tails and all – that looked too much like the one he'd worn before and headed towards the mirror to fix it up properly. When he was done, he couldn't repress a slight shudder at the fact that – save for the dress – he looked very much like he did back when infiltrating Don Corneo's mansion with Aerith.

Hopefully, Chaos would be _nothing _like Don Corneo.

Staring at his reflection a little while longer, Cloud undid the small ribbons that held the parted the wig into two braids, letting the blond strands fall unhindered such that it looked like a wavy golden waterfall. Good. At least when the wig was like this, he didn't remind himself _that _much of when he first had to cross-dress. Well, it wasn't much really, but it was still _something _and that was already much better than _nothing._

When he turned away from the mirror, Squall already had the dress on him and the younger boy's expression was so put out in a manner that could be considered as _pouting _for Squall Leonhart that Cloud might've laughed if he weren't in the same situation as well. The teenager was normally pretty stoic and prone to frowning, but today had to be the record day for Squall. He decided that he probably would have to say something, and seeing the brunet eye the wig with utter distaste, made up his mind.

"Need help with that?"

The expression on Squall's face when he turned around to face Cloud, or rather when he _saw _Cloud was… Well, the blond decided that if he managed to get a picture of it, anyone who knew Squall would've forked out gil by the thousands to buy it.

It wasn't that Squall had, say a jaw-dropped expression on his face. But those blue-gray eyes had widened pretty comically for the teen, and needless to say, it was very rare for an emotion such as shock (perhaps _shock _especially) to show on the stoic SeeD's face.

That said… Well, it probably _was _as close to a jaw-dropped expression for Squall Leonhart.

"You don't look too bad yourself," Cloud deliberately replied instead, a slight smirk on his face.

That changed Squall's expression back to something more like his usual one, though with a death glare in his eyes. "Shut up."

"_Whatever._"

When the brunet glared at him even more fiercely, most likely for using his pet phrase against him, Cloud felt his own smirk grow wider and maybe just a bit eviler. Perhaps somebody was rubbing off him.

"Grab the wig and get in front the mirror. I'll help you with it," the blond finally said, probably in sympathy. "Sooner we're done, the better."

Squall complied, albeit grudgingly, for he understood the logic behind the blond's words. Well, he hadn't seen guys cross-dressing before. Hadn't thought they'd actually be able to pull off looking remotely like the opposite sex. But when he'd turned to look at Cloud in the lilac ball gown and the blond wig that actually _complimented_ the older man's gravity-defying spiky hair to make the whole thing look completely natural… Well. He'd been proved wrong all right, even if Cloud's arms were still a tad muscular to be really all female-like. But it wasn't _that _noticeable if you took in the whole ensemble.

It wasn't a very settling thought, especially considering Cloud's comment about him too. He was quite sure – though he didn't know why per se – it wasn't said entirely in jest either, though the main point had probably been to annoy him.

He let Cloud do whatever he had to do with the wig, seeing as he didn't particularly know how to put it on properly and Cloud's own wig seemed to be staying on fine and looking _au natural _which would probably be for the best for this mission to go smoothly. That and he had a, admittedly, childish thought that if he didn't touch the wig any more than he absolutely had to, then things wouldn't be so bad. Squall found that averting his eyes from the mirror and concentrating on the wood grain pattern of the dressing table also helped in distracting him.

Almost too soon, he heard Cloud announce that he was done. It was also in a tone that sounded far too much like the blond was trying to suppress a smirk or outright laughter.

Squall Leonhart never thought there'd be a day that he would be afraid to look in the mirror.

_Stop being a wuss, Leonhart, _he chided himself. Then he brought his gaze up to mirror.

The wig had retained some elements of his natural, choppy hairstyle. In fact, the wig's fringe looked exactly like his own hair. Most of the rest of the hair on the wig however, were longer than his natural hair, falling down relatively straight but in layered sections. The longest parts of the wig ended just below his shoulder.

Even to himself, he did look like a girl.

"Hyne_,_" he muttered. There had better _not _be pictures taken.

Cloud suddenly reached over and fiddled with the front of the wig. The fringe now covered part of his face such that much of his scar was hidden. He looked at the blond, an eyebrow raised.

"Make up probably won't be able to mask it entirely and that scar's one sure way to identify you, even in drag," the other explained. "And you really don't want a lot of that stuff on your face."

"Make up?"

"Warrior of Light emphasized "all out", didn't he? I also saw Tina in the cosmetics section."

"…you really have done this before, haven't you?"

Cloud just gave him a Look.

"_Hyne._"

"At least you're not saddled with a villain like Sephiroth here," Cloud muttered darkly.

Well, at least Ultimecia wouldn't be like Seifer, he supposed.

…Seifer.

Hell yeah. Squall was suddenly _really _glad that it was Ultimecia, and not Seifer, that he could possibly meet in this world. Of course, it would be for the best that they didn't run into any other villains, but he would definitely pick Ultimecia over Seifer for this scenario.

* * *

When Cloud and Squall finally stepped out of their room in those dreaded clothes complete with all the accessories given to them, they found Cecil waiting outside. Surprisingly, Cecil was not wearing his usual armor, whether it was his Paladin or Dark Knight one. Instead, his pale hair was drawn back in a low ponytail, and he was dressed in something that could be a butler's outfit.

"Cecil?" Cloud questioned, raising an eyebrow at what the other was wearing.

The other man did not respond for the long moments it took for him to run his gaze over both Cloud and Squall. There was a mild expression of surprise on Cecil's face too. It was obvious that while they'd all thought it would be hilarious to cross-dress their two most stoic warriors (well, barring Warrior of Light of course, though they were all beginning to see his inner sadist now), they probably hadn't completely considered how in-role Cloud and Squall could get.

Well, appearance-wise that is. Cloud had no idea if Squall had it in him to even _try_ to act like a woman for all of one second.

"Cecil," Cloud prompted again, his voice now sharper with impatience and slight annoyance.

He did not particularly like how his comrade was staring at him like that. He was also sure Squall did not either, and with Squall's current black mood, the brunet was more likely to follow the "gunblade first, explain later" philosophy.

"I was told to play the part of an escort for the three of you," the paladin finally answered. Then after a short pause, he added as if he wasn't sure if he should share the information, "And to make sure you two didn't decide to run away."

"As if there's any place that we _can _run to," Squall scoffed.

Cecil decided not to comment on that. Instead, he said, "Let's go. The others are waiting for you two so they can do… the final preparations."

Knowing that their fates had already been sealed and struggling was going to make it worse, the other two followed their "butler" to where everyone else was. When they stepped into the larger room, there was a sudden hush as the rest of Cosmos' heroes took in the sight of their cross-dressed companions. The silence was broken when someone wolf-whistled.

"Looking good, Cloud! Squall!"

Tidus, too, was going to die later, Cloud decided determinedly. After Zidane, of course. The idiot was trying his best not to fall on the ground from barely-contained laughter. Judging from the blackest glare of death Cloud had ever seen that Squall was giving the sandy-haired teen and then directing it to his not-really-loved-especially-right-now party-mate, he knew the SeeD had the same thought in mind too.

"Tidus!" Frioniel chided, even if he couldn't quite suppress the slight upturn of his lips too.

Cloud gave him points for trying.

Then Tina appeared from somewhere with a smile and green hair instead of her usual blond. She was dressed in a white dress that had an asymmetrical hem that was shorter in the front and trailed almost to the ground at the back. Cloud wondered why Tina's dress had sleeves (made from a translucent, silvery material, but still sleeves nonetheless) when his and Squall's didn't. It was _definitely_ done deliberately. He was 110% sure of it.

And how could the girl even _run_ towards them properly in… stilettos? Cloud was at least glad that the shoes that he'd been forced to wear only had low heels, and really, when the time came to fight Chaos, he'd just kick them off if they got in his way.

"Cloud, Squall!"

There was also visible, well _audible,_ delight in Tina's normally quiet voice. It appeared that this mission had benefited in giving Tina an excuse to be more like a normal girl for once. Cloud could tell she was relishing the chance to dress up, even if it was for the sake of facing off against Chaos later.

"Come, I need to put on your make up," she added to the two males before turning around to go back to wherever she had come out from.

Up close, Tina's smile of joy – that had nothing to do with the humiliating experience for both him and Squall – took on an almost blinding quality. Cloud felt a tiny smile curl his lips at the unfettered picture of joy that was Tina currently. The girl was usually not very confident of herself, and he remembered that the first time they'd really met was when she was losing control of her powers. It was a nice change to see her like this.

Even Squall seemed hard pressed to keep his dark frown completely in place in the face of the girl's obvious rare happiness. The only other time they saw this side of her was when they encountered Moogles. So, wordlessly, the two of them trailed after Tina to a vanity full of cosmetics.

When Tina made them each take a seat in front of the vanity, Squall had to fight the urge to bolt. When he'd answered Cosmos' call for help (rather, he'd been whisked away without much warning really), he never envisioned himself having to dress in drag and put on make up.

Tina worked on Cloud first, to Squall's relief. He watched the process carefully so that he would know roughly what to expect when the girl turned her attentions to him. Cloud was holding himself quite stiffly from what Squall could see, and Cloud's fingers twitched reflexively when the eye shadow brush Tina was using touched the blond's eyelids.

Almost too soon, Tina was done with Cloud. When Squall looked at Cloud properly this time, instead of how he'd been focusing on what Tina's hands were holding and what those implements were doing earlier, he had to temper down his expression of surprise again.

Unlike how he'd seen some women pile on the cosmetics until the make up could be scrapped off with a scalpel, Tina had kept the look as natural as she could, seeing as how both of them had requested her to use as little make up as it was possible. A blend of pale pink and lilac eye shadow highlighted Cloud's eyes (_As if they need any more highlighting with how they glow_, Squall thought) without being gaudy, a faint red blush dusted the blond's cheeks giving the effect of a healthy glow rather than an unnatural blotch of color and lastly, was the pink lip gloss on the blond's lips.

All in all, Tina had managed to achieve making Cloud look, well seeing as he was supposed to be a girl right now, _stunning_ without the use of over-the-top make up.

"Squall, I'm going to start now, okay?" Tina asked for permission kindly.

He nodded, and tried not to face the prospect of having make up put on him like how he would when preparing to go and face Ultimecia in battle.

As fast as it had seemed for Tina to finish Cloud's make up, it seemed thrice as long when the girl was helping him. Tina had put a bit more effort in trying to use make up to conceal his scar as much as it was possible, so that possibly took a lot more time than usual. Still, Squall could safely say that he hated the feel of the foundation liquid and whatever else that was currently clinging onto his face. This mission couldn't be over soon enough.

Squall stared at himself in the vanity mirror once Tina stepped away, scarcely believing he was looking at himself. Well, he'd heard that make up could transform people, he just hadn't expected _how much_. Tina had gone with a similar style of make up as she had done for Cloud. The noticeable difference was the choice of eye shadow color for him. She had chosen to use pale blue accented with a light sprinkling of silver glitter. Also, unless someone stared terribly hard at his face, with the make up and the artful placement of the wig's fringe, his scar was virtually invisible.

"Are all of you ready?" came Warrior of Light's voice suddenly from behind.

Cloud and Squall both stood up and turned around, nodding stiffly. They just wanted to get this over and done with. Seeing an amused glint light up Light's eyes just made them both grit their teeth in annoyance.

"Good. I have sent a letter to Chaos, informing him of an impending visit by three… ladies. It won't be traced back to us, so do not worry. I have taken the liberty to come up with backgrounds and new names for the three of you, should Chaos ask."

Warrior of Light handed out files to each of them, Cecil included, before adding, "You can read this a short while later. There's something else I'd like you all to do."

When they all looked at him, they saw a quick flash of a wicked smile on Light's usually stoic countenance. It sent shivers of unease down Cloud and Squall's spines.

Their fears were confirmed when Light produced a camera out of nowhere and said, perfectly calmly, "Let's have something to remember this by."

Closet Sadist indeed.

* * *

**I can never get enough of Dissidia cross-dressing fics! Or fanart. Or any form of fanwork. XD This crack idea came to me as soon as I found out about the Scent of Honey/Honey Charm set in Dissidia. It was meant to be a oneshot, but it grew too huge so I decided that splitting it up would be for the best!**

**Yes, I know the character tags said Sephiroth was going to be in the story, sorry he ain't here yet. He'll appear in the next chapter, so don't worry! More fun will come then too.**

**This started out to be a "torture Cloud" fic, but somewhere along the way, Squall started becoming a lot more vocal (imagine that!) as seen from the POV changes between him and Cloud. So somehow, the first chapter ended up being as much "torture Squall" as it is "torture Cloud". ^^ As for why Squall to cross-dress along with Cloud... Don't you think it's the most fun to do that to the stoic, serious ones? XD I also enjoyed making Warrior of Light a closet sadist! 8D**

**Hope you've enjoyed reading this chapter! I know I loved the process of writing it!**

**_carzla_**


	2. The Execution

_**Shady Impulses **_

_Chapter 2: The Execution_

**From Chapter 1…**

"_Good. I have sent a letter to Chaos, informing him of an impending visit by three… ladies. It won't be traced back to us, so do not worry. I have taken the liberty to come up with backgrounds and new names for the three of you, should Chaos ask."_

_Warrior of Light handed out files to each of them, Cecil included, before adding, "You can read this a short while later. There's something else I'd like you all to do."_

_When they all looked at him, they saw a quick flash of a wicked smile on Light's usually stoic countenance. It sent shivers of unease down Cloud and Squall's spines._

_Their fears were confirmed when Light produced a camera out of nowhere and said, perfectly calmly, "Let's have something to remember this by."_

_Closet Sadist indeed._

* * *

It was yet another boring day in Chaos' domain for Sephiroth. Cosmos' band of merry do-gooders had – surprisingly – yet to make a move for quite a while now, and it was getting seriously stifling. Things were quieter, literally, now that Kefka had disappeared at the hands of that little female mage whom the clown had said was under his control.

For that, Sephiroth was exceptionally glad. He really hated the grating laughter that the clown loved to emit at random intervals for no apparent reason. To think _he _was called insane and psychotic back on Gaia. Those people clearly hadn't met the really insane.

He was unconcerned with the rest of Chaos' warriors and had no intentions of being dragged into whatever ploys they had. The Emperor and Ultimecia had tried to tempt him once and had even resorted to threatening him (as if _they _could've succeeded), but he was uninterested in ruling this world. He worked for his own desires and goals, and as long as the others did not get in his way, he would let them live. After all, in this world, the war was an endless cycle and he was seeking to break out of it.

One of his desires, that may or may not have anything to do with his ultimate aim to become a god, however, was one Cloud Strife who had been transported to this world too.

He was very tempted to seek out his little puppet even though he had made a point to himself that Cloud should be the one coming to him instead of the other way around now. The puppet followed the strings, not the puppeteer. Still, Cloud had always been more stubborn than most. It was an endearing trait, if annoying at times, seeing how the blond always struggled against him even if it was clearly futile.

_Hmm… Cloud's struggles were also so… __**delicious…**_

Well, if he wasn't going to seek out his lovely puppet, then he would have to find something else to entertain himself with. Seeing as most of the other fighters liked to keep to themselves and he couldn't stand most of them, he would have to fall back onto sparring with the Imitations. Or rather, beating up poor, hapless Imitations that stood no chance against him.

It certainly didn't give him the thrill that fighting against Cloud did (nothing could compare to his pretty blond puppet, not even those that took his form), but it was better than nothing.

The strongest Imitations always appeared near Chaos' main hall… if it could be called a main hall in the first place, seeing as there were no real walls surrounding Chaos' throne, just many pillars. So it was the barren landscape that surrounded the hall where he headed to.

It came as no surprise to him that Chaos was lounging on his throne (it was what the God of Discord did almost all the time), but something else was different in the hall, Sephiroth noted as he teleported to the side of the entrance. There was a lavish dinner table laid out in the usually empty hall. As he turned to regard the horizon, he spotted – of all things – a chocobo carriage making its way towards the hall. Now, this could prove interesting.

Keeping himself as unobtrusive as possible, Sephiroth waited as the carriage drew near. It stopped in front of the steps leading up to the hall. The carriage driver stepped down first and opened one of the doors, holding a hand up to assist whoever was inside. He watched in surprise as three young ladies dressed in finery came out of the carriage.

Was Chaos having some sort of a dinner date with those three ladies?

As the ladies approached the towering steps, some unknown force kept drawing his eyes to the lady dressed in a lilac ball gown. The _blonde _lady… There was something inherently familiar about that person, though he couldn't pinpoint it just yet. As the trio and their faithful, well, _butler_ he supposed, ascended the stairs and drew closer to where Sephiroth hid, he caught sight of the blonde's azure eyes.

They _glowed._

There was no way that Sephiroth could ever mistake the mako-induced glow of a SOLDIER's eyes, having had them himself since he could remember. Then at that moment, his JENOVA cells practically _sung _in delightin recognition of his precious puppet.

_Cloud._

The realization then begged the question of just _why _was the blond man cross-dressing? Upon closer inspection, Sephiroth also realized that he recognized the other two ladies. Well, the other lady and another of Cosmos' heroes cross-dressing, to be precise. He recognized them to be Tina Branford, the girl Kefka was always going on about "controlling her" but who had eventually defeated him instead, and Squall Leonhart, the young commander that Ultimecia loved to play with. Also, the butler was starting to look familiar… Cecil Harvey, Golbez's younger brother, wasn't it?

Apparently, considering the real identities of Chaos' visitors, this was some sort of… assassination attempt.

Sephiroth's lips curled into an amused smirk. Well, the Goddess of Harmony sure knew how to pick her heroes. He had to give them credit for creativity and ingenuity, while he absently wondered who suggested this idea in the first place. Certainly, Chaos would probably not see this coming until much later. If not for the combination of Cloud's striking blue eyes and the JENOVA cells in him, Sephiroth was quite sure that he would not have noticed anything amiss at the first glance.

Well, that said, Cloud _did _look particularly arresting in that strapless lilac ball gown and with long blond hair that had to have been achieved with the help of a wig.

_Hmm… Strapless…_

"Cloud, you've come to me after all," Sephiroth murmured to himself, satisfaction clear in his voice.

Well, not specifically to him, he supposed, but those were just a matter of semantics and Sephiroth was not going to harp on them. Not when his puppet was so, _so_ close.

He slowly drifted through the black shadows with practiced ease, following the entourage at a safe distance, not wanting Cloud to sense his presence too early into the game. His interest was now piqued and fighting Imitations held no more appeal. How could they possibly _compete_, when he had _Cloud _before him and all dressed up like that?

He had to fight the temptation to send a mental call out to Cloud. No, he would have to wait and watch what they would be up to before deciding if he should make an appearance. It was still far too early in the game for the cloaks to be removed.

* * *

The carriage ride to Chaos' domain was surprisingly free of troubles (well, other than the fact that the others had to drag Bartz away from the chocobos after he saw them), though Cloud wished the time before that was just as event-free. They hadn't been able to avoid Warrior of Light's camera and with everyone else against his and Squall's protests… Well, they had to subject themselves to having more than just memories of this horrible mission.

But that was over, and Cloud was determined to put it out of his mind. Back to their journey, they weren't waylaid by any of Chaos' main forces nor stray Imitations. There were pros and cons to that, Cloud decided. The good part was that he hadn't run into Sephiroth (_Yet, _Zack-voice commented too cheerfully and very unhelpfully. Cloud told Zack-voice to shut up and not jinx him), which was a very, _very _big relief in the grand scheme of things.

Cloud did not think that he would be able to live it down if Sephiroth saw him in this ensemble. If Sephiroth ever gave him any amount of respect as a warrior, it would definitely be gone if they met right now.

The rest of Chaos' forces may not recognize him, but Sephiroth would, assuredly, recognize the glow of mako in his eyes. Most importantly, there were the JENOVA cells in him. No amount of elaborate disguise and make up could get rid of the fact that he indeed had JENOVA cells in him and so Sephiroth would know that it was him at once. Cloud just prayed that his enemy wouldn't appear any time soon. Or at all.

The bad part to the lack of trouble on their journey, however, was that they arrived at Chaos' domain way too fast for Cloud to settle his nerves. It wasn't that he was really afraid of meeting Chaos. After all, he'd faced down countless enemies to just treat this as yet another battle but with someone more dangerous. It was probably the fact that he was wearing what he was wearing to meet the God of Discord that made things feel that much less… safe.

When he exited the carriage with Cecil's help (though it was for appearances sake than any actual need for it), he took the opportunity to scan the surroundings. It was completely barren, like most of the landscape they'd seen since they entered the inner regions of Chaos' territory. The large plateau before him was Chaos' main castle he supposed. There seemed to be no one else around, which if was actually true, would be very good. The less interference they had, the better for them.

As the four of them ascended the long stairway, Cloud started to get a strange feeling, like he was being watched. He discreetly glanced around, but couldn't pick out anyone else. It was possible that his nerves were playing tricks on him, but he didn't think so. He had learnt to trust his instincts long ago, so he wouldn't dismiss this. However, there was no need to get into a panic. He would wait until he could determine what exactly the problem was before acting on it.

As they reached the top of the stairs, they were greeted by the sight of a lavishly decorated long dining table. There were three seats and Chaos was sitting high up on his throne, having his own table placed before him. Cloud was ridiculously reminded of fairytale stories about castles, princes and resplendent balls.

However, the only "happily ever after" here would be Chaos' defeat. No princes and princesses (or not-princesses) would be "getting married" if Cloud had his way. And he was _determined _to get it. He didn't think he'd face any problems on the part of his comrades too.

A short while later, Tina, Squall and Cloud were all comfortably seated at the dinning table. Cecil, as their supposed butler was standing off to the side, being as unobtrusive as possible like what a good servant was supposed to be. Squall would've given almost anything to take up Cecil's role instead. Anything to get out of this dress that became increasingly uncomfortable as time passed.

Not to mention that he really hated the look in Chaos' eyes when the God of Discord had given each of them a thorough once over.

At that point in time, Squall had been hard pressed to not glare defiantly back at the god. But he managed to keep himself in check and fell into the role of an aloof, disaffected… ice princess. Or so the file Light had given to him had said.

The background that Light had given him was acceptable, he supposed. He didn't have to _act _aloof and uninterested since he generally was that way. But no amount of aloofness would be able to explain why he (well, _she _in Chaos' mind) was glaring death at the god when it was the first time they'd met. It would set off alarm bells in Chaos' head, and it wasn't in the plan to let the god find out about their real identities until later.

Like after they had sufficiently lowered Chaos' guard through a combination of their acting skills and, hopefully, a good amount of potent alcohol.

The dinner itself began shortly after, with Chaos addressing each of them individually over the course of the meal. Squall had no problems keeping his answers curt and disinterested (though he had to make himself not add a frosty edge to his tone), but it was annoying having to pitch his voice like a girl's. He was rather glad that Chaos soon turned his attention to Tina and Cloud. He'd always preferred staying in the background if he could help it.

"The lilac color of your gown sets of your blue eyes beautifully, Miss Clara. You have beautiful tastes."

"Thank you," Cloud replied softly to hide the masculine quality of his voice while coming across as appropriately demure.

"Miss Terra, your hair is extraordinarily vivacious. It is most fitting for a young lady like yourself."

Tina smiled brightly, and both Cloud and Squall had the feeling it was mostly genuine pleasure she was feeling at the compliment despite who it was coming from. Being the lone girl in their group, wherein everyone spent more time fighting than anything else, probably took a toll on her.

The trio alternated between eating enough to be polite and pretending to drink the champagne that Chaos freely offered, as well as getting the god to drink more of the same alcohol. However, after what felt like mere moments later, Cloud decided that he must have done something really wrong recently – although he had no idea what grievous mistake he had made – for Lady Luck to be forsaking him so often.

Like right now.

It turned out that Chaos, once appropriately tipsy enough from the champagne that the god served and drank in copious amounts, turned into a much more leery version of Don Corneo, in addition to the fact that he became a little more loose-lipped. The difference was that, unlike the cowardly Don, Chaos would be less easily intimidated when Cosmos' warriors chose to reveal themselves.

But perhaps the worse thing was that, for some inexplicable reason, Chaos was taking an interest – a particularly strong interest – in _him. _Not Tina, not Squall, but _him. _

Gaia, _why?_

The only thing he had in mind to explain Chaos' interest in him lay in something the God of Discord had let slip a short while ago. Something about having a wife in the past although apparently those memories weren't really clear, which now led Cloud to conclude that… Perhaps this ex-wife of Chaos was blonde. With this realization, he began ruing the fact that Tina had chosen to change her hair color to green for this mission.

At least Chaos hadn't done what Don Corneo had. Though that was likely to be because the Don's purpose of selecting girls was for bedding them. Chaos, at least, seemed to be less inclined on that immediately. Regardless, Cloud didn't like how Chaos' eyes seemed to drift towards him a lot more often and how he had started asking Cloud a lot more questions.

"Clara dear, what do you like t'do in your spare time?"

And getting a lot more informal with addressing him, well _her. _Cloud really, _really _hated being himself right now.

* * *

Unbeknownst to Chaos and Comos' heroes and heroine, they were being watched carefully by Sephiroth. The silver-haired General had started his observations of the "dinner date" with an air of amused curiosity, but that had started to change – and deteriorate rapidly – once he started noticing that Chaos was taking an increasingly growing interest in Cloud.

_His _Cloud.

That did _not _sit well with Sephiroth. No, not at all.

Sephiroth's green eyes narrowed as he watched the scene unfold before him. While his puppet was doing an admirable job of pretending to be disaffected (or rather, acting like a completely naïve little girl that couldn't catch innuendoes even if they stripped down and danced naked in front of her) by the increased attention the god of discord was showering him, Sephiroth could tell that Cloud was uncomfortable. Cloud's unease probably stemmed from the fact that Sephiroth could remember that this was not the first time Cloud had cross-dressed.

During that first incident with Don Corneo, the Don had picked Cloud out of a trio with the intention to… bed…

He let out a low but feral growl, and had to force himself to let go of the side of the pillar he was standing in the shadow of before it completely crumbled to bits. That very same pillar now sported damage in the form of cracks from where Sephiroth's fingers had clenched around that portion of it with enough force to crack and crumble some of the old stone. He would _not_ let that incident with Don Corneo repeat itself in any way, shape or form.

Cloud was _his. _If Chaos dared to lay a hand on Cloud with even the tiniest amount of amorous intention, God of Discord or not, Sephiroth was going to _kill_ him.

One should never underestimate Sephiroth in normal circumstances, but when he was in a rage, it would be tantamount to suicide to do that. Or when he became, literally and figuratively, a possessive, green-eyed monster.

As Sephiroth became engrossed in his careful eyeing of the interactions between Chaos and Cloud, he never noticed the appearance of another warrior of Chaos. Until the armored man was almost right behind him, that is. Let it not be said that Sephiroth let his guard down. Well, not too much, that is.

"Golbez," Sephiroth acknowledged without looking away from the proceedings before him. "Why are you here?"

He wasn't the only one who knew that Golbez had very questionable loyalties to Chaos. Well, probably all of Chaos' summoned warriors had a certain degree of questionable loyalties to the god, but since they opposed Cosmos' chosen ones, they were naturally allotted to be on Chaos' side. But for some, it wasn't that clear-cut.

It wasn't too hard to see that Golbez had a yearning to return to the light, and that his younger brother was eager to welcome him back and walk a common path of good with him. In fact, Sephiroth wouldn't be at all surprised if Golbez had a hand in organizing this little fiasco that was happening right now. Especially since Cecil was present in the party too.

"Why are you here then, Sephiroth?" Golbez asked instead.

"My puppet is over there. It is natural for me to watch him."

Golbez cast his gaze to the trio at the dining table briefly, knowing that Sephiroth referred to Cloud Strife. He already knew what was happening at the table and Chaos was taking an interest in Cloud out of the three. For some reason, the way Sephiroth was acting and sounding right now was just like a jealous… lover…

Behind his helmet, Golbez blinked. Twice.

Well, that was certainly news to him, and he dared to bet that it was the same for the rest of Cosmos' heroes. When Warrior of Light had approached him with the plan, he'd agreed to deliver the message to Chaos and to try and keep as many of Chaos' other warriors out of the way as possible. For most of them, it had been relatively easy. He didn't expect that he would have to deal with anyone acting like a jealous, possessive lover of all things.

He had approached Sephiroth with the intention to lead him away from the main throne room without incident, but seeing things as it stood now, that would be nigh impossible. Well, things rarely ever did go entirely according to plan. Hopefully, this would just be a minor complication.

Even so, Golbez decided that it would be better if someone else knew of the wildcard that was Sephiroth hovering around. The only person he could inform was Cecil (this was probably one of the few times that he was glad his younger brother was so trusting of him), who was standing inconspicuously to the side, playing the role of a discreet butler to perfection. Chaos wouldn't take note of Cecil as long as his brother remained unnoticeable.

With a last look at Sephiroth's tense posture and hoping that Chaos wouldn't do anything to Cloud and set off Sephiroth, Golbez teleported to where Cecil was. He made sure to not startle his brother by not appearing right behind the other man. Cecil's back tensed when Golbez first appeared, but relaxed after his younger brother realized who it was.

"Act like I'm not here, Cecil," he said quietly as he approached his brother from the shadows. "I have something to tell you regarding your plans on killing Chaos."

"What is it, brother?" Cecil murmured, but the knight made no other indication that he was no longer alone.

"Sephiroth is watching in the wings nearby. For some reason, he is acting like a… possessive lover over Cloud."

Golbez saw Cecil jerk in surprise a little, and then his younger brother's eyes turned to the side to regard him. Surprise was clear from the profile view he had of his sibling's face.

"_What?_"

"That is merely my observation. However, I fear that he may jeopardize your plans, especially if Chaos continues to pay so much attention to Cloud."

"Brother, did you have a hand in… arranging this dinner?" It was too unlikely for his elder brother to know this much about their plans without having been involved.

"Warrior of Light approached me," Golbez admitted. "I sent the message about this "visit" to Chaos, and tried to keep anyone else away. Sephiroth, however, I will have no choice but to let him stay. He won't be going anywhere without a fight, and that is not what's needed right now."

"Why would Sephiroth be so concerned over Cloud? Aren't they bitter enemies?"

His younger brother was always a little naïve, even though it could be quite endearing. Golbez wondered if it would be a good idea to enlighten Cecil that intense hatred could turn into an obsession (which seemed to be the case for Sephiroth) and a desire to possess the object or person of hatred in almost any manner. _No, not now_, Golbez decided. There wasn't time for this. It would likely require a lengthy explanation on his part, and there was no room for too much distraction for Cecil right now.

So instead, he merely replied, "I do not know. The mind can work in strange ways."

Cecil seemed to accept his words for now, and merely nodded briefly in acknowledgement.

"Be alert, Cecil, and be ready to improvise if Sephiroth does make an appearance."

"I will, brother. Thank you for warning us."

Just as he was about to teleport back to where Sephiroth was to keep an eye on the other man, Cecil suddenly spoke to him. "Brother, if I were in Cloud's shoes… Would you be acting like Sephiroth?"

The image of Cecil in a dress and pretending to be one of Chaos' potential dates flashed through Golbez's mind, and Golbez found that he actually had more of an imagination – and quite a wild one at that – than he thought he had. If Chaos dared to… If the god dared… He was going to tear-

"Brother, you're going to destroy this pillar and cause an alarm if you don't get a hold of yourself."

Cecil's calmly spoken words interrupted the red haze forming in his mind and Golbez blinked rapidly to clear his head. He had just had the sudden realization that if Warrior of Light had come to him with his original proposition but with Cecil more directly involved than being just a butler, he might not have been so quick to agree to be their messenger.

He glanced at his younger brother and saw that Cecil had turned his head slightly to look at him. There was also a rather uncharacteristic spark of mischief in his brother's eyes and a rather playful smile on his brother's lips.

"Cecil…"

"I'm glad I mean so much to you, brother."

Golbez did not know if he was merely imagining things, but there seemed to be a subtle undertone of _something _in Cecil's tone of voice. At a lost for words, he slowly let himself fade away to the other side of the hall where Sephiroth was, all the while watching his younger brother.

Well… Perhaps Cecil wasn't as innocent as he'd thought.

* * *

Cloud fought back the urge to snatch his hand away from Chaos' grip. It wasn't that the god was hurting him, but he was already wary of what the other was going to do and reflex and instinct were combining to make him want to get out of Chaos' hands immediately. His only consolation was that his comrades were all alert and ready to jump in should the need arise… and their presence would likely ensure that Chaos didn't do anything inappropriate.

He hoped.

Chaos was a god after all, and his ego was likely to be enormous. Furthermore, in the god's eyes, none of them looked like they were able to fight or even put up much of a resistance and thus Chaos might take some liberties. Well, Cloud really, _really _hoped not.

Instead, he forced himself to act like he was bewildered by what was happening, as was fitting of the naïve and innocent image given in his made-up background. "Ch-Chaos…?"

"D'not worry, little dear (and Cloud had to _really_ force himself not to gag). Come with me, there's a place that I would like to show you."

_Gee… That mysterious "place" wouldn't happen to be your bedroom, would it? _Cloud thought a little sarcastically, but outwardly, he kept up the innocent, wide-eyed expression on his face. Although, he had a feeling the reason why his eyes were wide now could probably also stem from the impending horror that was slowly but surely creeping up on him.

The amount of déjà vu in this mission was just _not _healthy. Not even for mako-enhanced individuals like himself.

"But… what about the others…?" he asked softly then, turning to look at his comrades with the intent to gauge their reactions though Chaos wouldn't suspect that.

He saw Squall's fingers twitch, as if he was getting ready to summon his gunblade. The brunet had managed to not give Chaos his Glare of Death throughout the dinner, but Cloud decided that with the way Chaos was focused on him now, Squall's current glare would fly completely over the god's head. Tina looked tenser and he could see a faint aura of power gathering around her hands. Cecil had moved closer to their table, his eyes trained on Chaos guardedly.

"Oh do not worry about them, m'dear. I will call for them in due time. Now, come with me, my sweet." Then, Chaos' grip tightened around Cloud's arm, while another of the god's arms went around his waist, threatening to dip _way too low_ for Cloud's peace of mind.

The next few moments then became, almost literally, an explosion of action.

Bare moments after Chaos' arm had gone around him, his JENOVA cells suddenly screamed to life and he knew without a shadow of doubt that Sephiroth had appeared. Before he could even feel the dread of meeting the ex-General in his current attire, he saw several flashes of familiar silver light that resulted in several stone pillars seemingly exploding and then come crashing down to hit Chaos.

Perhaps it was because of the amount of alcohol that he'd imbibed, Chaos was slow to react. He was unable to dodge the falling pillars, although the god did let go of Cloud. Cloud immediately jumped backwards to escape the deadly rain of debris. At the same time, his eyes quickly searched out where Sephiroth could be. There was a flash of bright silver coming from somewhere behind Chaos and Cloud immediately turned his eyes in that direction.

The Masamune in Sephiroth's hands was cutting a furious and devastating path, destroying the surrounding structures and sending debris and shockwaves hurtling towards Chaos, who was still dazed from being hit by the pillars' rubble. Sephiroth was leaving the god next to no time to react, given the god's half-drunk state, attacking from the front, the back and then the top and even smashing the god down into the hard floor.

Cloud only had enough time to register his shock at Sephiroth _attacking_ Chaos, before Sephiroth's lone black wing materialized in a blaze of purple aura, looking for all the world like an avenging angel. Then the next thing Cloud knew, a powerful arm was pulling him back against a firm chest and only the unexpectedness of the entire situation kept him from instinctively attacking once he confirmed that it was Sephiroth.

"Sephiroth! What are you doing?" he exclaimed as he was transported backwards by his enemy. Although… Was Sephiroth still the enemy, considering current circumstances?

"Chaos should know better than to touch what does not belong to him."

"_What?_"

Sephiroth ignored his bewildered puppet's exclamation. While he was now calmer with Cloud next to him and away from Chaos, he still did not let Chaos out of his sight. He was going to _crush _the lecherous god who dared to touch his Cloud. Extending his wing, he rapidly took both himself and Cloud backwards. Then he set Cloud down on the most undamaged portion of the hall.

Turning Cloud around to face him, he looked at those glowing blue eyes and commanded, "Stay here."

He did not wait for a reply before taking to the skies, knowing that with his puppet's track record, the blond would most likely _not _do as told. So he was going to finish this before Cloud could get himself involved. He wasn't letting Cloud _anywhere_ near Chaos.

Up in the air, he spotted the rest of Cosmos' warriors, mostly appearing stunned at what they were seeing. The only one who wasn't was Cecil, but Sephiroth wasn't surprised. He had guessed correctly that Golbez had been involved and had told his brother about his presence. Regardless, Sephiroth wasn't going to let any of them interfere. Chaos was his to deal with, and he would not be denied his rightful prey.

"Even the gods will meet their match, Chaos," he declared, and then he let the magical energy he'd been gathering surround the god.

The Heartless Angel attack scored a direct hit, and shortly after, he descended rapidly, Masamune ready to impale Chaos through the back. Unfortunately, Chaos managed to dodge being stabbed by his blade, but was unable to make it out of the range of the fissure that erupted from the ground. Immediately, Sephiroth moved into his next attack, and this time, all eight strokes connected.

Standing to the side of where the fight was taking place, the other warriors of Cosmos watched with varying degrees of surprise. For Squall and Tina, they were stunned by the fact that Sephiroth, one of Chaos' summoned warriors, was fighting the god. For Cecil, he was more shocked by the vehemence and viciousness behind each sharp stroke of Sephiroth's long blade than his appearance.

Regardless of their reasons for surprise, none of them could decide whether it would be a good idea to join in the fray. Sephiroth seemed like he was handling Chaos very well; the god had hardly landed more than two blows on the silver-haired man, and Sephiroth had shrugged them off almost like he hadn't even felt them. But other than that, there was a distinct sense that Sephiroth was _not _going to tolerate anyone else interfering.

None of them missed the fact that Sephiroth had come out of seemingly nowhere the instant Chaos had made a move on Cloud, and the next thing the silver-haired warrior had done was to pull Cloud right out of the destruction zone.

"…Should we… help?" Tina asked uncertainly, not missing how ironic it was for them to be aiding one of Chaos' forces even if the said person was now turning against Chaos.

"I'm… not sure…" Cecil replied.

"I'm getting the feeling that Sephiroth doesn't want anyone to interfere," Squall added. "We should regroup with Cloud."

Just as Squall finished speaking, there suddenly came the sound of an explosion. All three pairs of eyes darted towards the direction of the sound and immediately widened. An orange-red fireball was rapidly expanding outwards in all directions, and it looked like it would hit them too. Immediately, all three of them dashed backwards until they were out of range.

When the fireball exploded yet again, they had to shield their eyes from the blinding white light and searing heat released. They could hear sounds of stone crumbling and over that, the sound of a groan of defeat that sounded like it came from Chaos.

Finally, they deemed it was safe to lower their hands and survey their surroundings. Everything that had been in or too near to the center of the explosion had been charred black or turned into ash and soot. Chaos was nowhere to be seen, but a couple of pyreflies could be seen floating away. Hovering in the air above all the destruction was Sephiroth, with his long black wing outstretched. There was a very satisfied smirk on his face.

"You may be a god, Chaos. But you will not touch what is mine." With that proclamation, Sephiroth descended from the air and swooped down in the direction of where Cloud was.

Cloud stared at Sephiroth in disbelief. Did Sephiroth really kill Chaos? And because of _him? _He couldn't seem to process what he was seeing, couldn't really accept it. Because this was _Sephiroth_, the Sephiroth who had gone insane and wanted to destroy Gaia using Meteor, but it now seemed that the very same Sephiroth had killed the God of Discord to… To save Cloud?

No, he wasn't thinking of Sephiroth like a knight in shining armor coming to save the damsel in distress. (Sephiroth knew well enough that Cloud was a far cry from a damsel in distress – cross-dressed or not.) But it _did _make him wonder if he was catching a glimpse of the General that had existed… before the madness took him over. The thought that the sane Sephiroth might still exist somewhere in the current man's psyche was enough to make Cloud pause… and become all sorts of confused and hopeful.

_Take a chance, Spike, _Zack-voice said, after having been silent for a good long while.

Then suddenly, Sephiroth himself was in front of him. Masamune was nowhere to be seen, although the black wing was still materialized. Without so much as a word to Cloud, Sephiroth abruptly pulled the blond to him in a tight, possessive embrace. Upon realizing that his cheek was pressed against the other man's chest, Cloud flushed. Instantly.

"What are you- Hey, Sephiroth! Where…"

Cloud's voice faded as Sephiroth teleported the two of them away from the destroyed throne room, leaving behind three stunned warriors of Cosmos and one warrior of Chaos. Golbez had _not _anticipated such a huge reaction from Sephiroth. Chaos was dead, but by the hands of his own warrior… Nothing like that had ever happened in the previous cycles, and Golbez was unsure of how things would end this time.

Chaos was not meant to be killed by one of his own forces.

"We need to chase after Sephiroth! He took Cloud!" Tina exclaimed worriedly as she wrung her hands.

"No. After killing Chaos to keep Cloud safe, Sephiroth will be unlikely to harm him," Golbez reasoned as he materialized near the trio.

"Brother!" Cecil greeted him with a smile, which faded a little as he continued speaking, "That may be true… but I'm still worried about Cloud."

"…I will check in on them for you," Golbez offered, albeit a little hesitantly. "All of you should return. Warrior of Light did say that you must return immediately upon Chaos' defeat."

Squall's eyes narrowed. Cecil's brother and a double agent or not, he didn't really like being told what to do from Golbez. "You can't force us to leave."

Golbez raised an eyebrow behind his helmet. Warrior of Light was right in telling him that Squall was a stubborn one, and one to look out for. "You _will_ go back, Leonhart. Or you may find that Ultimecia will soon have a present to give to her Knight… What was his name again? Seifer?"

"…!"

"You didn't think that Warrior of Light took those pictures _just_ for the sake of having memories, did you? They also make good blackmail material, wouldn't you agree?"

Squall glowered at the masked man before him while mentally cursing Light to the deepest, darkest depths of hell as creatively as he could. He should've known that those pictures were going to haunt him. Only because it was Mr. Radiant-and-Closet-Sadist had they come back to bite him so very soon.

Fine, he _was _a little concerned about Cloud, but the older man knew how to handle himself in a battle. Cloud would probably be all right.

"So, does anyone else have any other protests to make?" Golbez asked expectantly.

He received silent shakes of heads along with one positively smoldering glare. All right, at least nobody was protesting now. Another of his reasons for making the other three not go after Sephiroth and Cloud was because he didn't think that Sephiroth would take the appearance of more interruptions kindly. Golbez was going to spare Cosmos' warriors from accidentally facing the Sephiroth that had pretty much single-handedly taken down Chaos.

Even if the said god had been drunk.

Golbez watched as the trio started on their journey back before teleporting away to observe what was happening with Sephiroth and Cloud. He _had _promised Cecil. Merely observing (unlike what Cecil and his comrades would do if they'd gone in search for Cloud) had a smaller likelihood of accidentally pushing Sephiroth's buttons and inciting the man's wrath.

Then, when Golbez finally found the duo in question, he was _very, very _glad that he had kept the rest of them away.

* * *

**Cliffhanger? Hmm... xD**

**Somehow, this chapter doesn't feel as humorous as the previous one (though I realize I made a pun with this chapter's title). Oh well. I tried to come up with some cheesy pick up lines/compliments that would fit my image of Chaos, but I think I failed. It was also quite difficult describing the fight (esp. the Heartless Angel attack) and Sephiroth's Ex Burst, without making it as over the top as it really is in the actual game. I hope it came through properly. Also, I know that after Ex Bursting, Sephiroth shouldn't still be in Ex Mode. Let's just ignore that, 'kay? xD**

**I have no clue why, but some Golbez/Cecil just crept in. I guess they didn't want to be denied. Heh. Also Chaos' main hall can be taken to be a cross of the Old Chaos Shrine and the Edge of Madness battle maps. I confused them when I was first writing, but thought it fit well for this and so I left it as it was.**

**Next chapter will most likely be the epilogue, although I believe I will be writing a separate oneshot extra. It'll be a missing scene sort of thing. You'll understand when the epilogue comes up! ~.^**

**Hope you've enjoyed this chapter!**

**_carzla_**


	3. Epilogue

_**Shady Impulses **_

_Epilogue_

**From Chapter 2…**

_Golbez watched as the trio started on their journey back before teleporting away to observe what was happening with Sephiroth and Cloud. He __**had**__ promised Cecil. Merely observing (unlike what Cecil and his comrades would do if they had gone in search for Cloud) had a smaller likelihood of accidentally pushing Sephiroth's buttons and inciting the man's wrath._

_Then, when Golbez finally found the duo in question, he was __**very, very**__ glad that he had kept the rest of them away._

* * *

"I'm worried about Cloud," Tina murmured uneasily. She didn't know whether it was just her paranoia speaking, but it felt far too long since Cloud had disappeared with Sephiroth. She knew that Cloud could take care of himself and that the blond would be familiar with fighting Sephiroth, but…

"Don't worry, Tina. Cloud will be fine," Onion Knight said, hoping to ease his friend's worries. He was rather anxious himself, but he had to keep positive for Tina's sake.

Cosmos' warriors were back at their home base, and the trio had reported everything that had transpired to the rest of their comrades. Sephiroth's appearance and eventual defeat of Chaos naturally had everyone shocked. As for the silver-haired man's subsequent kidnapping of Cloud, many of them wanted to go looking for Cloud. It was Warrior of Light who held them back, but even so, there was still palpable unease within most of them.

Golbez had come and gone, relaying to them that "Cloud's all right" but not saying anything more in regards to that short statement. Cecil was not the only one who had caught on that Golbez's voice was sounding a little strange. But the other man refused to say anything more even when his younger brother had asked him to elaborate, and had instead teleported away. Most likely to escape Cecil, who could be appropriately persistent and persuasive when the situation called for it and this was definitely one of those times.

So now, everyone was stuck with waiting for Cloud to return.

"Oh man… What's taking Cloud so long?" Tidus asked no one in particular as he bobbed up and down on the balls of his feet restlessly. He was getting edgier and edgier as the minutes passed and there was still no sign of their Buster Sword-wielding blond friend. He wondered if they should start searching for Cloud, despite what Warrior of Light had said earlier.

Squall had a deeper than usual frown on his face. He didn't like to admit it, but the longer it took for Cloud to return, the more worried he got. He didn't quite trust Golbez's definition of "all right". Perhaps he should've insisted on searching for Cloud, potential blackmail material be damned. Of course, this whole mess wouldn't have even happened had _someone _not suggested that insane plan in the first place.

Zidane's spirits wilted a little more each time he sensed Squall shooting him yet another death glare. He'd taken to avoid looking at Squall or anywhere near him, knowing that the effect of his brunet friend's glare would be multiplied if he met the gaze straight on. Bartz was trying to shield him from the worst of Squall's death glares, but while he appreciated the sentiment, Zidane also knew that he didn't really have anyone to blame but himself.

When he'd suggested cross-dressing back then, he definitely couldn't have foreseen how the whole mission would've ended. Maybe they should've just stuck to the old, conventional route even if it would've taken them longer to reach Chaos.

Then suddenly, Frioniel exclaimed incredulously while pointing skywards, "Hey look! Isn't that…?"

Cosmos' entire band of warriors then watched, with varying degrees of visible shock on their faces as a winged Sephiroth descended from the sky, sending a couple of black feathers scattering about as he landed a slight distance away from the group. But what shocked them the most was that Sephiroth was actually _carrying _Cloud.

_Bridal style._

They continued watching in amazement as the lone black wing dematerialized and Sephiroth carefully set Cloud down on his feet, but did not let go; one decidedly possessive arm was still around the blond's waist. Cloud looked fine, other than the fact that his cheeks were red enough to rival a tomato – though it was debatable whether it was due to anger or embarrassment. He was still in the lilac ball gown, but it looked decidedly _rumpled_. The tiara on Cloud's head was also askew. The image it presented was quite… unexpected.

"Who was it that suggested the bright idea of seducing Chaos?" were the first words out of Sephiroth's mouth. Though Sephiroth's tone was calm and had an almost lazy quality to it, there was a sense of forbidding behind the words, as if a wrong answer would doom them all to instant hell – Super Nova style.

Considering the fact that it was Sephiroth who'd single-handedly killed Chaos in a relatively short amount of time, that conclusion wasn't too farfetched.

"Sephiroth!" Cloud hissed in annoyance and protest. Why had he ever thought that Sephiroth would not try to pry out the identity of the person who suggested the plan to seduce Chaos, when he knew quite well that once Sephiroth had determined that he had to do something, he would find a way to achieve it regardless of the means employed?

One would think the incident with Meteor would be firmly engraved into his mind. Cloud had thought so too, and so he could only blame Sephiroth being _Sephiroth _as to why that fact had conveniently (for Sephiroth) slipped his mind.

The silver-haired man ignored Cloud's disapproving exclamation. "Well? Does anyone have an answer to provide me?"

"What does it have to do with you?" Squall demanded brusquely.

The brunet had the feeling that Sephiroth might be more than inclined to tear up Zidane once he knew about it and Squall was not letting a comrade get hurt that way. Not that he didn't think that Zidane deserved some grief for his crazy ideas, but he wanted to reserve that right to himself, and most likely Cloud would want to join in too. _Most especially Cloud_, Squall corrected himself.

"It has _everything _to do with me, boy," was Sephiroth's ready reply, spoken in a deceptively mild tone, reminding Cosmos' warriors of the feeling of being in the eye of the hurricane when the situation could then change drastically any given moment. "I am not going to let what's mine be used in any more hair-brained seduction schemes." Then with a smirk, the ex-General added, "Although, I would agree that Cloud looks very becoming in a dress."

Cloud groaned, and barely restrained himself from burying his face into his palms even as he covered his face with a hand. He was _never, ever _going to live this down. _Never._

There was stunned silence as the rest of the people present tried to absorb and process the implications of Sephiroth's words. They clearly suggested that Sephiroth and Cloud had a relationship, and it was _not_ one filled with animosity. The awkward silence was finally broken by Warrior of Light, who stepped forward to stand directly in front of Sephiroth before addressing the said man.

"May I assume, Sephiroth, that you've compromised Cloud?"

"_Light!_" Cloud hissed in absolute, complete and _utter_ mortification.

Oh god, he was sure that the way he turned up after going missing for a good few hours would have gotten some of the members of their group thinking about what had really happened between him and Sephiroth… But he _did not_ need anyone making it so perfectly clear to those who'd remained ignorant or still had doubts. Furthermore, Onion Knight was present! He was only _twelve! _The boy didn't _need to _know about these kinds of things yet!

"And if I did?" was Sephiroth's all too quick reply that had a hint of challenge in its tone too.

Sephiroth, too, Cloud decided despairingly, was also not helping matters. Not that he had seriously thought the other would in the first place. Embarrassing Cloud and making his life hell was something Sephiroth enjoyed, regardless of the context.

"Well, if that is the case," replied Light very seriously, "Then I think marriage is in order."

The silence that ensued was deafening. Everyone on Cosmos' side was staring, dumbfounded, at Warrior of Light, as if he had suddenly become a Warrior of Darkness instead. Sephiroth, on the other hand, appeared to be _seriously considering_ Light's words. Then, a satisfied smile appeared on the silver-haired man's lips.

"_That_ is a splendid idea."

"No way!" Cloud finally exploded vehemently, the shock of hearing what Warrior of Light had said finally having worn off. Or perhaps it was Sephiroth's answer that prompted him into responding. "I am _not _some lady or princess whose virtue got compromised! What era do you come from?"

Light merely raised an eyebrow, and Cloud clearly read the message behind that simple gesture. _"What do you think? Before coming here, I was a knight to a princess."_

"No, no and no!"

"Why not, Cloud?" Sephiroth drawled, and the way he seemed to use his voice to caress Cloud's name left everyone present having no more doubts about their newly developed relationship. "You're not a lady, but you have been compromised. I should… _take responsibility._"

"You can take your responsibility and shove it up your ass!" Cloud snarled back immediately.

Tina, in a brilliant flash of foresight, managed to cover Onion Knight's ears tightly right before Sephiroth replied silkily in a very seductive tone as he slid the hand he had around Cloud's waist even lower, "I'd rather yours, Cloud… and I know you prefer it that way too."

Cloud barely managed to fight back a groan of despair, despite knowing that he'd completely set himself up for that. Oh Gaia. This was _not _going the way he wanted it to. "Sephiroth, just… _shut up!_"

This sudden turn of incredulous events was made even more drastically loopy – in a supremely bad way, that wasn't even remotely funny – to Cloud when _Frioniel _spoke up in what was a perfectly reasonable tone. And it was _not _to object to Warrior of Light and Sephiroth's crazy marriage ideas.

"Cloud, would you like roses at the ceremony?"

Cloud would've spontaneously combusted there and then if the chemistry of it all didn't make it impossible. (Then again, they all managed gravity-defying feats when they fought, so who was to say that they'd soon forsake the science of chemistry too?) There was a genuine eagerness – _puppy_-like – in Frioniel's expression that reminded him of Zack, and Cloud wondered whether Aerith, in a moment of extreme insanity (or perhaps it was pure mischief that the flower girl was prone to at times), had somehow allowed Zack to access Cetra powers from the Lifestream, cross dimensions and inhabit or influence Frioniel. It would have been a _very_ Zack-like thing to do to set him and Sephiroth up.

"There will be _no_ ceremony!" he insisted as firmly as he could. But it obviously wasn't doing him much good as almost everyone else had already started chattering excitedly about a possible wedding.

He tried his best to block out what the rest of them were saying about wedding preparations because it definitely wouldn't do wonders for his already limited sanity if he actually _heard_ those plans. Instead, he rounded on Sephiroth, blue eyes spitting fire at the man who had now screwed his life up in a very different way.

"What were you thinking, Sephiroth? Why are you going along with their craziness?"

"I'm thinking that this is the best method to let you – as well as any potential suitors – know that you will always be bound to me. If you'll recall, I'm also not "going along" with anyone's ideas. I took it as a suggestion, thought about it before agreeing with it. There's a difference, Cloud."

Cloud gave up. Protesting was useless when nobody was really listening to him. The only person whom he was relatively sure was on his side, or at least sympathizing with him, was Squall. But since he and Squall had already failed in stopping their cross-dressing mission, he doubted Squall could help him here. He also suspected that Squall was also trying to avoid being roped into doing crazy things for the wedding. Cloud would _not _put it past Light to decide they needed _two_ flower girls instead of one and get Squall to cross-dress _again._

But if going along with yet another mad scheme was the fastest way for him to return to Gaia, where things actually made more _sense_, he had no choice but to force himself through it.

"Don't worry, Cloud. Everything will be fine," Sephiroth murmured huskily into his ear.

Cloud tried to convince himself that the shiver that ran down his spine had _nothing_ to do with Sephiroth's voice and the subtle promise in them that curled deliciously through his body, but everything to do with some sudden draft of icy cold wind that only he could feel. Yeah.

Sephiroth tilted Cloud's head slightly to the side and leaned down to kiss him before Cloud could prevent it. Dimly, Cloud registered that this was an effective way to distract him. Far too effective a method, truth be told. Then, as his lips parted under Sephiroth's skillful coaxing, Cloud lost whatever train of thought he had and surrendered himself into the kiss.

…

Maybe things wouldn't be too bad… Right?

* * *

The wedding occurred a few days later, with one Warrior of Light having to half drag, half escort a very reluctant Cloud Strife in a shimmering, silver-white wedding gown to the altar to give him away to Sephiroth, who was dressed in a smart black suit though the silver-haired man had forgone a tie and left the top two buttons of his white shirt teasingly undone.

Golbez had been asked to preside over the wedding ceremony and conduct the rites, and the other man had accepted that job with no complaint.

Frioniel had outdone himself by magically producing dozens and dozens of red roses. He, Cecil and Bartz had then used the roses to liberally decorate the Order's Sanctuary. Additionally, Tina had added many orbs of glowing lights, that cast a mixture of white light and warm orange light, to the landscape. The play of light against the Order's Sanctuary and the red roses created a magical, ethereal effect.

Sephiroth had eventually found out that Zidane was the one who'd suggested the cross-dressing scheme. But Zidane was spared some severe dismemberment under the condition that he took a number of satisfactory pictures of the wedding, well specifically _Cloud_, for Sephiroth. As such, the blond was using his nimbleness and agility to capture shots from normally impossible angles, in addition to the more straightforward ones. It could also be noted that Zidane was being particularly serious over his "job".

Squall had (thankfully, the brunet had thought to himself) avoided having to do anything particularly mortifying during the ceremony; he had somehow ended up as Sephiroth's best man. For some reason, Sephiroth hadn't seemed too pleased with that even though he hadn't said anything against it, which had made Cloud smug for quite some time considering the blond didn't have much to be happy about recently, and Squall wisely decided that he _did not want to know why._

Tina was, naturally, their only flower girl and faced no hint of an objection to her appointment. The girl was suitably pleased with being able to dress up again, and had been really excited at the prospect of the wedding. To Cloud's chagrin, he just _couldn't _get upset with Tina despite his utter mortification whenever she came by to discuss with him matters of female dressing that Cloud had never ever wanted to have such an extensive knowledge on.

It did not help that Sephiroth often caught wind of those conversations and would either drop by whenever Tina was around, or have a… private experimentation session with Cloud later.

It should be noted that those sessions did _not_ take place in a laboratory.

(Cloud almost felt that being back in Hojo's labs was a better situation. _Almost._)

All in all, the preparations that led up to the wedding had gone underway without much hiccups. Cloud's protests had been silenced by Warrior of Light and Sephiroth's combined efforts, with the former choosing to ignore the blond whenever it suited him, while the latter…

Let's just say that Tina had also been particularly busy, for a time, moving Onion Knight to a different location whenever Sephiroth decided to step in with "drastic measures". The near constancy of such abrupt teleportation to different locations eventually had Onion Knight learning to avoid being around Cloud for the time being, even though nobody ever explained to him why he was being teleported away.

Tidus was the most helpful – although Cecil had cut off the sandy-haired teenager – when he had first asked why Tina was always whisking him away randomly when Sephiroth and Cloud were in the same place.

_("You'll understand in a few years and after some exposure to p-_"

"_**Tidus!**__")_

Everyone else ignored him, sidestepped the question or started snickering and shared significant looks amongst themselves.

So with great fanfare and most hiccups arising from Cloud smothered by Sephiroth's smooth ways and Warrior of Light's ability to take selective hearing to a whole new level, the unlikely wedding ceremony started and ended without any major disaster befalling the remaining heroes and heroine. Much to Cloud's woe.

But perhaps the highlight of the wedding was the surprise right at the end that nobody predicted…

"I now pronounce you…" At a well-timed glare from Cloud, Golbez suppressed the twitch that signaled he was about to smile and changed his original wording. "…a newly-wedded couple."

Applause broke out from the close-knit group of Cosmos' warriors.

"Sephiroth, you may now kiss your spouse."

Sephiroth turned to face Cloud, the expression on his face was soft and open for the ex-General. There was a slight upturn of the man's lips, but Cloud was fairly sure that it wasn't a barely-there smirk. Rather, it was a barely-there smile that seemed fond and sincere. As the other leaned in for the kiss, Cloud tried to get the butterflies in his stomach to stop doing somersaults even as his cheeks seemed to be heating up for unknown reasons. He was _not_ a blushing bride, damn it.

The kiss itself was surprisingly tender, and unlike what Cloud had expected, did not really progress into anything lengthy and overly-heated. Considering his prior experiences with Sephiroth, he couldn't be faulted for thinking that way. There was something really pleasant about this tender kiss, even has he tried to tell himself not to think too much into it. Perhaps the silver-haired man was having an attack of sentimentality?

When the kiss ended, there was once again a round of applause and not to mention some cat-calling and wolf-whistles. But this time, a sudden light appeared before the couple and when it faded, the two figures standing there left everyone shocked.

Cosmos and Chaos were standing side-by-side, hand-in-hand and both of them were smiling at Sephiroth and Cloud.

"Cosmos?" Warrior of Light asked, the tone of his voice suggesting that he hardly dared to believe what he was seeing.

"Chaos?" Golbez echoed. This cycle was certainly causing unpredictable things to happen.

"Congratulations, Cloud. Sephiroth," was the first words that Cosmos said with a kind smile on her face.

"Congratulations," Chaos said too, and it probably wasn't a figment of everyone's imagination that Chaos actually looked a lot happier and a lot less sinister since the last time they'd seen him.

There was a long pause, that was about to turn awkward, when Sephiroth spoke, "Thank you, Cosmos. Chaos." There was no missing the thinly veiled edge of hostility in Sephiroth's voice when he enunciated Chaos' name, nor the way Sephiroth had shifted such that Cloud was placed slightly behind him.

Cloud merely nodded, not quite trusting his voice upon taking in the scene before him and the two gods' congratulatory words. Of all people, he didn't expect _Cosmos _to be pleased by this crazy turn of events. Although… some things were beginning to make sense now. Was _Cosmos _actually the wife in Chaos' hazy memories? She certainly had blond hair…

If what he suspected were true, it would go a long way in explaining why Cosmos was very accommodating of this marriage.

"All of you have worked hard to bring peace back to this world, and I thank you all sincerely for your perseverance. It also touches me greatly to see that the conflict in this world was brought to an end by love," Cosmos declared to all the warriors present with a radiant smile. "It also appears that this will be the last conflict in this world."

"The cycles have come to an end? Completely?" Golbez asked in surprise. With how Chaos had died in this cycle, he had suspected that things would change. He just hadn't thought it would lead to a permanent end.

"Yes, Golbez. It has all come to an end," the goddess replied, before turning her attention to Sephiroth. "For that, I have you to thank, Sephiroth. You appear to have beaten some sense into my long-lost husband." Cosmos sounded most amused at her last statement.

Sephiroth smirked at that. "It was a pleasure, Cosmos."

"Why do I get the feeling that this whole battle to save the world was a result of an old spousal dispute blown up to epic proportions?" Bartz muttered to Zidane.

"It seems that way to me too," Zidane agreed, keeping his voice low too.

Their short exchange went unnoticed by both deities, which was probably a good thing. It was hard to say how Cosmos or Chaos would've reacted to such an observation. Even though it seemed very likely that the duo's observations were rather spot on.

"Since the conflict in this world has come to an end," Cosmos continued, "It is time for all of you to return to your home worlds. I thank you once again for all the help that you have graciously extended to us."

If anything, that was the line that brought the most joy to Cloud since the wedding fiasco started. Finally, _finally _he would be able to return back to Gaia and to a world that made far more sense than this one. More importantly, _most _importantly, once he was back on Gaia he could finally get away from Sephiroth permanently.

"Cosmos, darling, I think you might have forgotten something," Chaos suddenly prompted.

"Oh yes, how could I have forgotten! Thank you for reminding me, Chaos dear." Then the blonde goddess turned her attentions to Sephiroth and Cloud. "We've prepared a wedding gift for the two of you."

As she spoke, two tiny orbs of light appeared in front of Cloud and Sephiroth. Bemusedly, the two of them held out a hand and the orbs of light flew to hover slightly above their open palms. Then as the light vanished in a dazzle of sparkles, a silver ring dropped into each of their upturned palms.

If there was one thing they _hadn't_ managed to obtain for the impromptu wedding, it was the wedding rings. Certainly there were rings, but none of them had been deemed suitable for being a wedding ring. Cloud had been quite thankful for that. But it seemed that he couldn't escape without a ring after all.

"We thought that perhaps wearing the ring on your fingers might cause some inconvenience. So you can also choose to use these," Cosmos added.

A thin black chain appeared on each of their hands, already threaded through the respective rings.

"Now you can put them on for each other!" Cosmos declared with a joyous smile.

Much as Cloud wanted to balk and run, he knew that it wasn't possible. So resignedly, he let Sephiroth put on the chain for him and then reciprocated the action. Hopefully this meant that he would at long last be able to return to Gaia.

"Weddings are always such glorious affairs!" Cosmos said almost dreamily. "But now that this is done, it is time for all of you to return home. After saying your goodbyes, of course!"

So goodbyes were exchanged amongst Cosmos' warriors. Everyone was happy at the prospect of being able to return home, yet it was a little sad to leave the friends that they had made throughout this journey. But they wouldn't forget each other, just because they were no longer by each other's side.

When all the goodbyes had been said and done, with a wave of Cosmos' hand, the ten crystals reappeared next to their respective owners, hovering in the air beside them. Then all ten of them began to glow, faintly at first before building up to become much stronger and brighter.

"Goodbye, my heroes. May all go well for you back in your own worlds," Cosmos said as her farewell.

Then light flashed, brilliant and blindingly white.

* * *

When Cloud was next aware of himself, he realized that he was lying on a wooden bench and looking up at the sky through what appeared to be a broken roof of a church. He could still make out some structures that seemed like they were once the pews.

Wait. A _church_?

The blond sat up immediately and surveyed his surroundings. At once, he knew where he was: Aerith's church. The few rows of wooden benches, the warm sunlight streaming through the broken roof and most of all, the pool of water right at the front which once housed a beautiful bed of yellow and white flowers.

Cloud leaned back on the bench in relief. He was home.

Although he couldn't deny that he didn't miss his new comrades, it felt infinitely comforting to be back on familiar ground. Not to mention that he was in one of the few places which made him feel the safest and most comfortable in. There really wasn't a place that could compare to the sense of peace and wellness he felt by just being inside Aerith's church.

"So, Cosmos really did send us back. She picked an interesting place to deposit us, wouldn't you agree, Cloud?" came a voice from somewhere near the back of the church. "It's too bad that you're no longer in your wedding gown."

He froze. No. It couldn't be.

Cloud turned around to see Sephiroth leaning casually against the wall next to the church's entrance. He was also no longer in his suit, but back in his usual military leathers (though without the decorative jewels). There was, however, no mistaking the chain around his neck that held Cosmos and Chaos' "wedding gift". Cloud reached a hand up towards his neck, and his hand closed around the matching ring.

"I'd say the wedding's over, and we should get on to the next part of it, right?" Sephiroth asked as he started towards Cloud at a leisurely pace. To Cloud, however, it looked like Sephiroth was a predator cat stalking its prey – him.

"What do you mean… next part?" Cloud asked, trying to stall for time even as he stood up and began backing away.

He had a pretty good idea what Sephiroth had in mind, but he was going to do his best to escape that particular outcome. And why was Sephiroth still here, actually? Sephiroth was _dead _in his world. He should be in the Lifestream, finally put away for good… and not, not _here! _And where the hell was his sword right now?

"Surely I don't need to explain it to you, Cloud," Sephiroth drawled as he stalked ever closer to his quandary. "Unless this is your version of foreplay?"

Okay, so he didn't have First Tsurugi, but neither was Sephiroth holding Masamune. That evened the stakes a little. His eyes darted towards Zack's Buster Sword at the far end of the pool. Could he make it to the sword in time?

Then the next thing he knew, strong arms wrapped around him, pinning his own arms to his sides. A tongue then licked a sensual trail up the side of his neck before Sephiroth's voice sounded right next to his right ear.

"It's really a pity that you're no longer in your wedding gown, Cloud. I would've enjoyed unwrapping you…"

"Sephiroth, stop this!"

"Why should I? We have yet to consummate our wedding."

Knowing that it was next to impossible to escape now, Cloud tried one last tactic. "But, but _not here!_ Sephiroth!"

Sephiroth decided that to speak anymore to his wayward spouse was to waste precious time he could be using for much more enjoyable activities. So he shut Cloud up with a heated kiss. In next to no time, Cloud had conveniently forgotten about everything else.

* * *

**AND IT'S OVER~!**

**Okay, not quite. I still have that at-the-very-least-R-rated "missing scene" one shot to do. I suppose you guys can wager a guess which part it will be? xD But it will probably take a little while for that to be done, seeing as I am in the midst of settling my UK student visa and related issues.**

**I had a serious explosion of ideas after my writer's block went away. Of which included Cloud purposefully choosing Squall to be Sephiroth's best man to irritate Sephiroth, Onion Knight finding Tidus helpful in almost answering his question, Tidus almost being a bad influence on Onion Knight if not for Cecil's timely intervention, Sephiroth and Cloud_ experimenting_, Cosmos & Chaos' reappearance + gifts (rings inspired by the Square Enix official Sephiroth rings) and lastly, Sephiroth and Cloud about to get it on in Aerith's church. Don't worry Cloud, Aerith - and Zack - approve. xD**

**There's also some slight timeline changes. In Dissidia-world, Cloud is in FFVII attire. But when he returns to Gaia, he's back in ACC attire. Let's just pretend that Cosmos swapped his clothes when she first plucked him off Gaia and returned him back to the clothes he was wearing originally whens he moved Cloud back to Gaia. xD Sephiroth also loses his jewel decorations, which is a pity but oh well.**

**Still, thanks goes to two of my friends, one for insisting that Frioniel must ask Cloud about providing roses for the wedding. I had thought about it, but it was her insistence that really started the crack-ness of the epilogue. Guess I could say I expanded on it. ^^ As for the other, who encouraged me that instead of just stopping at the plans of a wedding, why not write the ceremony out?**

**I really enjoyed writing this (probably too much, heh). Considering I don't do humour all that often... I guess I can consider this a success? ^^ Thank you all for staying with this fic and I hope you've enjoyed reading it as much as I have writing it!**

**_carzla_**


End file.
